I think on most blogs, people tend to only show the best sides of themselves. People want to read things that are encouraging, motivating, etc. I know I definitely try to keep it positive on my other blog and highlight the good and the happy and the simple, rather than the struggles...though I do talk about those too, from time to time. However, for me, it is different with food blogs. There, I want to hear reality. I want to see success, but I also want to know that other people are just like me, struggling, having to fight for it, yet persisting anyway. So, this blog probably seems to have a much different tone to it than my Happy at Home blog. I don't have split personalities, I am just filtering differently. :)
I admit, a large part of me only wants to record my triumphs, my feelings of excitement, my weight loss. But that isn't a very accurate portrayal of who I am, or how this is going all the time. So, with all that being said, please bear with me on days like today.
As you can see below, as of today, I have GAINED 1/2 a pound. I don't get it, I really don't. Except for yesterday, I have written down every bite of food that has entered my mouth for the last seven days. I am feeling very, very down about this today. I am sure a lot of my discouraged attitude today is because of the three hours of sleep I am working with, coupled with very cranky children (who have had about as much sleep) and a loooong to-do list.
The scale is bumming me out. I had three different people yesterday tell me that they could tell I was losing weight...that they could see a big difference. And it was people who I am not close to, but who see me often. And, I feel thinner. I really do. I felt the best yesterday that I have felt in a looooong time. So, what could it be? The only two things I can think of are:
-Weaning. Maybe I am eating too much food, now that I am almost done nursing. Maybe my body is holding on to fat during this transition. I don't know. Does anyone have any thoughts about weaning and weight loss?
-I have been doing light yoga and strength training (lunges, squats, planks, push ups, etc) for the last two weeks and have been "feeling the burn" about 3x a week. Could this be why I feel thinner but weigh more? I can't imagine that I have put on two pounds of muscle in the last two weeks, but maybe (?)
You know, what it all boils down to is this: it is a total bummer that I am not losing weight and is a big area of struggle for me right now. I am trying very hard to lose weight. But God is sovereign in this, just like he is with every other aspect of my life. I must be faithful with what I have been given, taking responsibility to take care of myself, but beyond that, have to trust that this is where He has me right now. Complaining and whining about my situation just shows a lack of faith. And, in the big scheme of things, this is just a small bump in the road. So, it is time to pull out an old exercise that always brings things back into focus (thanks, Mom, for reminding me to do this!). Here is a short Gratitude list of things that are RIGHT in my life. I am going to choose to focus on these things and be thankful, while continuing to make wise food choices.
Today, I am thankful for:
-My hubby, for getting my oil changed, so I don't have to sit in a mechanic's waiting room with three children
-My mom, for reminding me to be thankful, and for keeping my kids for a while today, so I can work on my to-do list
-My baby, cranky though he is today. He is almost one and is one of the highlights of my life. How could I not have known him a year ago? Crazy.
-Wonderful friends. I have received two emails today, that have encouraged me and challenged me with truth. Becky H. and Sara J., THANK YOU.
Starting Weight: 159
Current Weight: 159.5
Today's Exercise: None
Today I ate:
-Fresh blueberries, gRAWnola, honey
-1/2 piece of pizza
-Fruit salad (blueberries, strawberries, grapes, pineapple, apple)
Observations: I wasn't very hungry today, until Bauer's birthday party. I really didn't eat very much today. My very favorite food of all time is fresh blueberries, and I was able to pick just enough off Mom and Dad's bushes to make a meal today. I could eat blueberries in everything, they are SO good! And, lucky me, they are one of the healthiest foods available and are chock full of anti oxidants!
Social situations are definitely a pitfall for me. For the party, I made a huge salad, as well as a fruit salad that I should have doubled because everyone loved it, ordered pizza, with cupcakes for dessert. So, 50% of the meal was raw. I did eat a lot of the fruit salad, but completely ignored the regular salad. I didn't actually eat a piece of pizza...just nibbled on some of the left over's on my children's plate (a mom's pitfall, isn't it?). But the cupcakes did me in. They were chocolate! I rest my case...